Veils of integrity
Sexual harassment and bullying can be displayed in a myriad of ways through a maze of methods. It can be corrosive to a woman’s confidence, and can therefore be used as an instrument of dominance and power.
Especially because women have a lot to offer, because we are creative, and have incredible creative power, we are often original thinkers, and more often than not tend to be very caring maternal and good people, we become a territory to be marked, often by men who deep down feel they have something to prove or want to dominate — sometimes for pleasure, sometimes from a sense of inadequacy or both.
Harassment can be obvious — or it can be subtle and a kind of creeping of intrusive body language, vulgar and suggestive hand gestures, invading personal space, insensitive comments, anything aimed at intrusion of a woman’s sense of security and safety.
I’ve had men test my boundaries, taking communal pack mentality delight in seeing how far they can get, what they can get away with, secretly hoping to be able to provoke me, perhaps to assure them of their superiority.
Why do these men do this to me? I believe it might be because they are insecure. I’m a journalist, and I can be very direct, very transparent, and many people can find this threatening. When it comes to some men their fight or flight instinct kicks in, and they want to kick me out. To be questioned or shown up by a women is not very comfortable for them.
If only they knew the truth. I’m not after status or other people’s jobs, I do want to give to causes I believe in. And protect innocence and vulnerability. Especially children.
I feel love and respect towards many men as well as my fellow females. I love my father, my brothers, my uncles, my cousins, my male friends, colleagues, the priests who have helped form my values and qualities. I love the friendly and protective and courageous and brave and noble men who bring out the best in women and children, and show the best in themselves.
I want men to show up their best sides — courage and comradery that says — I’m strong and I will use my strength to protect and care and lift up women and children, and I will call out abuse, bullying, harassment, violence, and not comply with it.
Why is this important?
1. It is vital to have respect between the sexes, for the survival of humanity. If we do not get along as sexes, the human race has very little hope.
Man and the machine is not a very nice prospect, but if women are marginalised into such a minority so much so that they do not survive, then humanity no matter how ingenius it might be will not be a very pleasant place to be.
2. It is also vital for men to do their duty and get to grips with their egos, because of our children.
Just think — if you can corrode a woman’s purity and pure heart and mind, invade her personal space, deliberately plant unclean thoughts in her mind, and test out how much you think she is prepared to take, then what think what that means for our younger generations? Those completely ill equipped to defend themselves, who can be subject to poisoning that leads later to pornographic habits, self abuse, self loathing, abuse of others, lack of understanding and comfort between sexes, and an unhealthy, toxic, paranoid youth and adulthood.
Men — stop pushing boundaries. Protect women and children, don’t try to intimidate us. No matter how threatened you may subconsciously or consciously feel by women in the workplace, please, stop harassing us, on buses and trains and the Underground, in cafes and pubs, in the office, in shops, churches, in the streets.
Women, what are we to do if we still come across this behaviour? Call it out. Be calm. It might not be deliberate, and if a man is not intentionally intimidating you, you can be sure he will be willing to step back/ remove his elbow comfortably nuzzled into the side of your ribcage/breast on the underground or bus.
Let’s stop shoving innuendo language down each other’s ear canals.
Certain surnames, and even the word ‘come in’ when someone rings a door bell, has now become in the realms of sexual pleasure for those wanting to look for it.
What has happened to our intelligence and our Edenic innocence? Can we regain it? Can men and women truly be friends again, say sorry for past sins, (I’ve had mine for which I am sorry and apologise) and live and work alongside each other peacefully and happily.
Even if we feel pride, envy, or any other negative emotion because someone has a gift we feel we might lack, can we truly just be confident that we all are gifted and unique, made beautifully and generously to be generous and kind and set an example of love and protection. Not only for ourselves, but for our children, and future generations.
No to harassment. No to sexual exploitation, no matter how subtle. No to intrusion of our boundaries including poisoning our thoughts, and personal space. And yes to calling it out, to speaking about it and writing about it, as in this case. And yes to being a more dignified, humane, and collaborative human race.
picture credit: jacobandpauline.com